Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Fine lines.

I've realized as Matt and I have been in the midst of wedding planning and randomly adding elements to our apartment (we got a new book shelf and I love it), there is a fine line between girly and unisex. I've tried my best to maintain that line and keep our apartment and our wedding in the unisex/gender neutral category (aka not too many florals, no pictures of Rob Pattinson on the wall, no magenta table linens, etc.) but I feel like some of it is just not right.

In my attempt to maintain a neutral living space and a neutral wedding I feel like I've lost the girliness I love so much. Yes I should probably just talk to Matt about this more (and I have) instead of writing about it but I want more girly stuff in our lives and I need help.

I want cute banners and pictures of us hanging up and maybe some dorky signs displayed at our wedding and I'm pretty sure I will and it will be okay, I just don't want the girly to take over or be shoved to the side, so how do I find that happy medium?

And as for our apartment, everyone that comes over says how cute it is and I agree it is cute, it's random it's fun and I love it. But then sometimes I'll see pictures of Kerri or Kyla or Kay's (to name a few) apartments and my heart melts at the cuteness and the girly aspects that our apartment lacks.

Maybe I just have to wait until we have a house or until we move to really let loose with my decorative ideas and somewhat girly tendencies or maybe just work it out with Matt some more.

On the wedding end, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the luckiest future brides in that Matt is willing to help (and man is he helping, like a lot) as well as indulge my ridiculous cutesy ideas and fun things while also putting me in my place that really, some things are necessary even if I saw it on a wedding blog.

So basically I'm just posting this to ask, how do you find the happy medium? How do you compromise? Is there really such a thing as just gender neutral that is still cute? So many questions that aren't all that important but I need help, so thank you in advance.


this is my motto. sort of.


happy wednesday!

25 comments:

ria said...

for our house i try to have my own little spaces that i can spruce up with my girly stuff. my office and the table in our living room. as for our wedding, well he didn't help much..ahem at all...so in 'i did what i want' :)

Julie Q said...

From what I've learned about Matt from reading your blog- I think its safe to say he understands that weddings and homes are supposed to have that girly romantic vibe!!! But its all about compromise. I have 5,000 yankee candles, frilly sheets and a pretty corner table, and he gets a Ping Pong table :)

Kay* said...

definitely gender neutral that is cute! or girly stuff that isn't too girly! & you don't have to wait to move before you add things you like - remember i live in a small rental apartment too :) is there a colour both of you like and you can incorporate things in that colour? i don't think that the print above is particularly girly & i've seen it in so many spaces it always looks great. how about fresh flowers? that instantly adds 'girly' but i don't think guys mind flowers so that should work. & throw pillows with a nice print...fun & functional :) oooh and a bit of reflection helps too (mirrors, metals)

as for wedding decor - i think its all about colour and showing who the two of you are as a couple.

thanks for the shout out! :)

Kay* said...

...now off to check out the other blogs you mentioned ;) cute apartments?! i'm all over it!

Grace said...

It really is hard to do. I've seen it done and with pink walls nonetheless! I think the big thing is what you two think of as girly. If you like extreme girly and Matt thinks that anything purple or pink is girly then it's going to be harder. I bet if you looked through a few catalogs or blogs together you may be surprised at what you both like. I agree though that you won't be able to truly have your own girly space until you move into a bigger apartment or a house. I am trying to get my girly out in a big way so it's out of my system by the time I move in with a guy.

*whoa that was long.....sorry!

Jane said...

When Abe and I decided to cohabitate, I gave up my furry pink shower curtain but kept the martini glass shower curtain holders. (He actually likes the martini shower curtain holders.) I guess it's all about compromise? Or maybe about figuring out what your style is as a couple.

Mrs Soup said...

It's totally ALL about compromise. Who knows, he may be okay with pink walls if it goes with brown leather furniture. Or the occasionally burst of flowers next to the dark wood desk.

We have a room full of our wedding photos and I *love* that. It reminds me, even though we've been married almost 5 years, that this is where it started. It isn't good to hide that. Even having a baby, we still started out as a couple. And that is so important!

But talk with him! I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what your style together is!

Mandy said...

I think adding fresh flowers is a great way to add girly touches without being overly girly. Or some fun pictures of the two of you displayed together.

P said...

Oh it's sad you feel you have lost your girliness. I would be exactly the same if I was in your situation. I was going to suggest something similar to what Ria suggested - I think maybe having a couple of small spaces where you can express your girliness would be great - maybe a little corner of the room could be the girly space? And flowers, as already mentioned, are always a good idea too!

Deutlich said...

I've never lived w/a significant other so I don't feel at all equipped to give any good advice. I'm sorry, love!

Nora said...

I don't think you can go wrong with bookshelves that casually display some photos of the two of you in frames you love, perhaps a bulletin board in the kitchen where you can display prints you like, cards, photos, whatever? (and when I say bulletin board I mean the cute kind, you know?). Matt seems to be a smitten kitten when it comes to you so I think he'll be happy as long as you're happy and can still put his feet up on the coffee table and etc.

Also? Some dining room stuff (placemats, centerpieces, etc) guys tend to a) not notice and b)not mind so that's an easy way to girly it up!

I definitely like the motto/print you included at the end of the post too!

michelle woo said...

For an apartment, I can understand the need for gender-neutralness. It's your living space. You both have to love it. (Still, I think you can totally sneak in touches of girly goodness here and there.) But much of the wedding decor, in my opinion, should be up to the girl. My Matt is surprisingly very particular about wedding details (who knew?) but finally, we kinda divided duties. He's in charge of music (fine with me) and our website. I get decor. And we both decide major things like food and liquor, haha. But yeah, I totally feel you.

thatShortChick said...

I have no advice for co-habitation (never done it - yet!) but you simply must get yourself that 'keep calm&carry on' print!

Auburn Kat said...

It is hard when you are living in an apartment, especially one that doesn't have rent control in NYC! I think you should add just some little girlie things, Matt might not even notice! =)

Hillary said...

we both make compromises but I wouldn't say that we've found our happy medium yet. we live in a small condo so we don't really have room to each claim our own space. we both live in every inch of our condo so we both have to agree on how we decorate ... which means it's a mishmash of clutter :)

walkingonsunshine18 said...

When you guys buy a home, I think you'll be able to get some of your girly ways into it!

alyssa said...

Little girly, but subtle, things all over the place. Like, cute pillows, candles, or curtains. Also, well I know not most people can do this, but a girly craft room that I can do whatever I want with :)

jenniferalaine said...

Ooh I had never really thought of havin to balance everything... Maybe I just assumed I would have free reign over decorating as long as it wasn't overwhelming pink haha. I think it's fair to be neutral but you probably care more than matt does so throw some candles and decorative pillows into the mix :)

Hollywood Sucker said...

I too have to live in a gender neutral apartment, BUT I've found the trick to spicing it up with my wonderful personality. Try adding more little knick knacks... they seem harmless enough when you add them one at a time and then before you know it you have a collection of 15 different elephant figurines (well, at least, that's what I did).

Andhari said...

I think it's ok to add more girlie stuff , or make a girlie corner. :) Men usually wont mind that much unless you barbify the whole place and I'm sure that's not your taste, you're so much classier :)

Bayjb said...

I think you need to have a neutral color scheme in the apartment but have designated rooms or spaces for your own touches that are a little more feminine or masculine. Divide and conquer!

Kyla Roma said...

This is so hard- but I'm glad that you thought of my little house! =D

Honestly, our house is very gender neutral. My craft room can be whatever I want it to be but the rest is very subdued. I think for the home, my version of girly things are photos I've taken and art I really like. And for the wedding, I think you have a lot of license =) Mostly I look for things that are clean and tailored and that appeal to each of our sensibilities but that don't cross the line into SQUEEOMG territory lol

.jimaie.marie. said...

my husband is REALLY chill about our home decor, pretty much whatever I decide to do he's cool with it. BUT he also understands that I wouldnt turn our home into a bubblegum pink doll house you know? LOL! I am outnumbered ;)
But I will say that I think it's important for guys to have their own space to do with what they want, whether it's a mancave, a workspace or whatever, they need somewhere they can let loose and "decorate" as they please :)

your wishcake. said...

To be honest, I really lucked out because Jay could really care less what I do to our duplex. Well, to a certain degree, I guess - he wouldn't want pink pillows everywhere or a Twilight poster above our bed (darn it all).

When we first were married, I worried too much about staying neutral and making sure things looked guy-ish enough, too...but after a while, I realized that he just didn't care as much as I thought he did. I was putting all this pressure on myself for no reason!

I'd say talk to Matt and see how much he really cares - if he would even really mind if you were to buy a chartreuse tea-table or have a collage of kissing photos on the wall or wanted a bunch of floral placemats for the table.

I'm sure your place is just lovely, and it does take a while to make an apartment/duplex/what-have-you truly feel like "home". :) You should have our first apartment. It was total bleh. Heehee.

your wishcake. said...

(Typo! That almost-last sentense should read: You should have seen our first apartment.)

:)