Friday, June 27, 2008

Oh Noes - The Foot Edition!

Hey everyone! It's The Ex from Ex-Everything here filling in for Katelin the Greatlin while she's off having fun at a wedding. Did you hear that? Fun? At a wedding? Crazy talk! I've only been to a few weddings and never ever have I had anything that could be construed as fun. I hope in the next few years as my friends start to get married (or...you know...if I ever get married! Are you listening hypothetical deity?!) that I'll be able to go to a wedding and party like a rockstar or at the very least like Katelin.

Unfortunately, as of 1:30am on Wednesday June 26th, 2008 the fun in my life has officially died. Last night I went to happy hour at Black Angus with my work buddy turned real life friend Sara. We got there at about eight and enjoyed a few hours of karaoke (not me!) and 1.50 drafts. We left at around 12 and I (soberly!) drove home and went to bed to catch as many Z's before I had to get up for work. There are a lot of good reasons to get out of working but hungover isn't really one of them. I woke up at about 1:30 and went to the bathroom where I promptly tripped over a cat (or something) and fell to the floor. I knew that I had hurt my foot but it's been broken before and sometimes if touched the right way it still hurts. So, I went back to bed.

And then this morning came and I swung my legs out of bed and tried to stand up but instead crumpled to the floor! My right foot was in so much pain that I was pretty sure I was about to either pass out or throw up. All I could think was, "My foot is broken! My weak sauce foot is broken for the THIRD DAMN TIME!". I was pissed at my foot, furious if you will.

I called my mom to take me to urgent care where they confirmed that I did infact "subtly fracture my fifth metatarsal". The doctor looked at me like she couldn't believe that not only had I done this by falling in my own bathroom but that this was the THIRD in a string of unbelievably stupid foot injuries (the first being a tragic monkey bars incident in third grade and the second being the time I fell off a step that was approximately four inches high). I'm not graceful. Obviously.

The truth is that I fall more than any one person should. I trip over my own feet, I teeter and stumble off of heels, I'm completely useless at walking, running or really anything that involves my feet working in coordination with the rest of my body. People always make fun of me because GUFFAW I bet you can't even walk and chew gum at the same time! The worst part is that I CAN'T. OKAY.

And so, here I sit with my uncoordinated, weaksauce right foot elevated, swelling and slowly turning purple. I may not be able to walk, drive or shower by myself for the next six to seven weeks but I'm not going to have any trouble parking my ass on a couch and letting everyone wait on me.

Epic foot FAIL but damsel in distress WIN.

Thanks to Katelin for letting me guestblog! And thank you for reading! If you don't already read my blog? Then maybe you should start. I post like once a week and it's usually boring so CHECK ME OUT, yes? Lovelovekisskiss. Have a great weekend!

16 comments:

Ben said...

Broken foot means more blogging? Yes? YES??

I expect daily if not hourly reports of your couch-ridden adventures.

lspoon said...

Oh no! How terrible! I'm so sorry that blows! I hope it heals really fast this time :)

nuttycow said...

Poor Ex. Do like the thought of being waited on hand and (excuse the pun) foot.

Hoorah you!

Likalia said...

Aww, that is no fun, well maybe the being waited on part is, but the foot part not so much. :(

Sarah said...

Goodness, your foot really is weaksauce. 3 times?? I'm so sorry. I hope it heals sooner than expected and you aren't in pain for too much longer.

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

Hah, awe man that sucks. Like sucking in the funniest way possible. Cause time one and two are just shitty, but by the third, it becomes comical.
Hope you get well soon! :)

mikey said...

See? If you had actually sung some Karaoke, you probably wouldn't have broken your foot. You know, the butterfly effect and all.

Hope you feel better soon (;

Kim Thomas said...

This is absolutely terrible!!!! I feel so fortunate to have never broken a bone. Good Luck on the getting around piece.

Jamie said...

Poor Ex :( I hope they keep you drugged up and feeling good.

Sarah Marie said...

Oh man! How appropriate that a "footsie friend" would write about a broken foot. Hope your foot feels better REAL SOON!!!!

Phil said...

I'm so with you! I had to get stitches in my chin thanks to an unfortunate ice skating accident in high school, and then two years ago I fell off a swing and broke my left middle finger. Sure they're not the same body part, but they're equally weak and unlikely accidents.

Vanessa said...

Oh no! Such bad luck! Hopefully you heal well and quickly.

Di Pie said...

First time here, and i am glad i found it! i LOVE this blog. thanks!

legallyheidi said...

oh now thats just sad :(

great guest post gal! :)

Brandi Stone said...

yikes. sounds painful. Feel better!

Princess Pointful said...

Ahhh, yes.
I just had a series of bunk bed related injuries that have reduced me to a bruised mess.
Us uncoordinated are very very unlucky.