Monday, August 18, 2008

It's a Takeover



(While I'm away I have given control of my blog to the smart, sexy, athletic, sexy, still smart RS27. He writes an awesome blog called Your Beard is Good which has been nominated for many blogging awards such as greatest blog with the words Beard, Good and Your in the title. Seriously girls, he's a good catch. In fact, if I wasn't taken I would so go for him. For real.)

That's what I imagine my opening would be like if I didn't write it myself.

I always like reading Katelin's blog because she's so happy all of the time. If any of you have read my blog you realize that my blog is most definitely not happy most of the time. As one famous Cleveland Blogger says I am jaded. Well I disagree totally with that statement. I'm not a pessimistic at all. I always hit the urinal when I'm in the bathroom.

Oh, PESS-imistic.

Got it.

So to prove that some things do in fact make me happy and in honor of Gorgeous Footsteps in the Sand (that's the blog you're reading if you didn't know. Seriously, if you didn't know I understand. I confuse everyone) here is a list of 7 things that make me happy.

1. Fruit Rollups- I would like to meet the inventor of this delicious candy. Candy? I don't know what you would classify Fruit Roll Ups as other than awesome. So many different ways to eat them. You can ball up the whole thing and put it in your mouth and pretend that you're chewing tobacco like your favorite 1970s baseball player. All the fun, but without the cancer! And it's fruity! If you get the ones with the shapes you can take them all out and stick your tongue through it and your nose and be fruit roll up man. Genius.

2. Girls in baseball hats- I don't know if its the pony tail through the back of the hat, the sign of I just don't care what you think, or the brim covering the eyes, but I love me some girls in baseball hats. Except Star Jones. I don't like her in anything. Sorry Star, let's be friends. In 10 years.

3. Bill Cosby- Say what you want about the man. He may be creepy. He may be old. But without him a whole generation of people would never be able to say, "You have the THEO and the ROOO-DY with the puddin' pops." A whole generation of kids would never have learned how to draw. And there never would have been a movie where the Dad is dead and is a ghost. I think it was called, "The Dad that Wasn't Around." (Props to Homer Simpson).

4. Cool Runnings - I'm sorry but if you don't like Cool Runnings you must before we can consummate a friendship. A Jamaican bobsled team coached by John Candy?!?! Characters by the name of Sanka Coffee and Yul Brenner?!?! A movie with an actor so nice they named him twice (Doug E. Doug) ?!?! Yes sign me up. Not to mention that no one believed. But they believed in themselves. A country came together and realized that yes Jamaicans can sled and sled they did. They get me every time. A true cinema classic. You can have The Godfather. I will feel the rhythm and the rhyme.

5. Hockey- Yes I like hockey. Yes I am brown. Yes this doesn't make sense. But hockey is awesome. They hit each other, they score goals, the action is fast paced. Not to mention where else can you take someone and actually hear them utter the words, "That was disappointing. No fighting. I came here for blood. "You don't really hear that in the line at the In and Out Burger. Unless you're at a Fight Club In and Out. Those are scary.

6. Olympic Celebrations- 4 years of hard work culminate in a win in your event and the emotion is always so real. Like that little robot 11 year old Chinese girl. They somehow programmed her to cry. It was amazing. There's something so special to see people's dreams coming true in real time. When my time machine gets built I will be bawling like a baby. Let's hope there are some cameras on me because I will definitely be wearing a Foam #1 finger.

7. Los Angeles- Yes, I know the people here are "fake." Yes, I know everyone pretends to be "rich". Yes I know there is a "Hollywood." I get it. But deep beneath La's plastic exterior are some wonderful things. People that I thought I would never meet. Sun that I thought I would never see. Houses I could only dream of visiting. I love LA. So take that. All the haters can, um, um...hate? Whatever.

There you go. See I can be happy. In fact, if Bill Cosby was in a remake of Cool Runnings that was set in Los Angeles with the plot being a group of kids playing hockey winning an Olympic gold while their number one fan was a girl in a baseball hat eating a fruit roll up I would probably laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of that sentence that you came up with.

Come on, that's so not possible.

But my time machine will be able to make it a reality.

23 comments:

Alexa said...

oh my god RS, like you called me out! hahaha. i can't help that i only speak the truth, it's a curse.

BUT i'm glad to know that somethings do make you happy. especially the fruit roll ups and bill cosby - you're a funny dude.

and i want to play guess who RIGHT NOW.

Lauren said...

See, there has to be a reason why everyone wants you to guest post. Some may think that it's because you're hilarious (which is true) others (read: me) know the truth--it's because they like beards.

Okay, I kid.

I love fruit roll ups. I miss fruit roll ups. Just like the donuts I still haven't had, i'm running out to get them right...
...
now.

Lexiloo said...

I just got so excited when I saw Guess Who in this post! I loved and adored that game! Oh, and Bill Cosby? One of my all-time favorites!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

hahah I wish I could do number two, maybe I have a bad pny tail or something? I dont know. as for l.a.....even though I had some of the lowest times of my life there, I do understand the love.

San said...

I love LA! :)

Narm said...

Um you just described Mighty Ducks 4 - There's Always Room For Fruit Roll Ups.

Matt said...

Thats a huge ditto with the fruit roll ups my friend.

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

i'm going to love you forever for loving girls in baseball hats. that just made me feel a whole lot better about my frequent hat wearing.

oh, and.. cool runnings is a classic. i could totally marathon-watch that.

Ben said...

I want to go back and relive the 90s with you. I mean, you know, like army buddies...not in a weird way or anything...

LBluca77 said...

The ONLY way to eat a fruit roll up is to roll it around your index finger.

Speaking of the Olympics, I heard one of the girls competing on the trampoline totally ate shit this weekend. Damn I miss all the god stuff.

I am going straight to hell.

Sarah Marie said...

I love Bill Cosby! And I think this year I love the Olympics more than I ever have!

Marie said...

You totally made that last paragraph up (I know, I know, I catch on quick!). But I like how you put it all together.

Whatever happened to the fruit roll-up craze? Use to love them as a kid!

Dana said...

I have actually played that game with the Little Girls I babysit for... Iy's fun, LOL


Happy Monday - hope you had a great weekend! :)

Angela said...

Remember when fruit roll-ups had those tongue tattoos?? Those were awesome.

Carrie said...

I always enjoyed wrapping the fruit roll-up around my index finger and then eating around my finger. Now that I think about it, that's really weird.

Kez said...

hahaha I rave about Cool Runnings so often it's not funny.
Best movie EVER.

brookem said...

i agree with most all of those.

i liked the fruit roll ups with the shapes?

i onces saw bill cosby in a standup routine. he was a hoot.

Amanda. said...

Fruit Roll-Ups ARE
pretty darn good. You
don't tell a lie there.
I especially like the
ones that I can punch
shapes out of. Yeah.
They just always seem
tastier when I'm eating
circles and squares. Mmm.

I live in Baseball caps.
Well not live...but it seemed
like a good sentence. I do
wear them quite often. So
I'd have to agree that it's a
super cool look. Clearly.

Also. Um. Cool Runnings.
Holla. I love that movie.
I used to, not so much
anymore, go around singing
their little chant they
made up.
"Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time!"

So@24 said...

Sanka... ya dead?

kay* said...

lmao oh my gosh - hilarious. are you sure you aren't canadian? a love of john candy AND hockey???? (i can make that joke because i AM canadian haha)

Julie Q said...

awww i totally miss "guess who?" that game ROCKS

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

I was *just* talking with someone about fruit rollups...it's been YEARS since I had one. Oh, and I totally get the women in baseball hats.

andrea said...

Oh man, I could so go for a Fruit Rollup right now.